Monday, January 31, 2011
What's up JSFL Kookas?
A pretty eventful week. I really thought we were finally going to see the end of Rommi. Unfortunately for Ronnie owning teams and anyone who enjoys watching single Ronnie in action, we're going to have to keep waiting and watching those two lying in bed together. Alas. Here's the Commish's email:
Subject: Points in a Glass
God, I have so many thoughts about last night's episode. First off, I was so close to giving Ron and Sam breakup points (thinking that this was when she left the house), only to have it turned around overnight. Going by last year's standard, that is not a breakup.
Second, quite a few close judgment calls that I had to make. I will explain them all. Following the twitter consensus, I'm giving Sitch smush points. Also, J-Woww is getting smush points, for possibly the first ever smush-but-no-makeout scorecard. I'm also awarding Vin makeout points for the girl with the crazy uncle, because while we didn't see anything, they were moving in to each other, then cut to uncle, then a pull away. That said, I'm flexible on this.
The last judgment call was awarding J-Woww points for bringing home a random. We had this discussion last year, and my feeling is that if you're not a roommate, a bf/gf from home, or an established couple to the point that we would award break-up points, you qualify as a random - ie. Roger. Again, though, I would listen to dissent.
Finally, the scorecard doesn't have anything for "Likes to lick ass", so sadly, Deena goes points-free this week.
Let's get to it!
Ronnie - 38: cried twice (4x2=8), got in girl/guy fight with roommate (15x1.5=22.5), made out with roommate (5x1.5=7.5)
Sam - 42: cried thrice (4x3=12), got in girl/guy fight with roommate (15x1.5=22.5), made out with roommate (5x1.5=7.5)
Mike - 20: brought home random (5), smashed (15)
Vin - 10: brought home random (5), made out (5)
Paul - 5: brought home random (5)
j-Woww - 20: brought home random (5), smashed (15)
Snooki and Deena - 0
Looks like I put up a resounding 60... yay?
My response to the Commish's questions:
Yeah, I think we're going to have to wait for Sam to move out before we can award break-up points. I'm not sure how you qualify "one day at a time" point-wise. I'm with you there Mr. Amsterdam.
It's a tough call with Vin's makeout. I'm going to go to the tapes to review because I can't remember it too well. Superficially I'd say if they dont' show it it doesn't count but let me look again in slow motion zoomed in (control-scroll) before offering my final thoughts there.
I think Jwoww gets the random points for sure this week but I think once they smoosh it stops being random. Like, if she brings him home next week he's not a random. We did the same thing with Pauly and Rocio last year. First night back is a random, every time after that, not so much. I guess the rule of thumb is just return visitors. Last year I also scored it for Vin the first time he brought home that girl, but then after beach day she was no longer a random.
So I think that should settle things. Any other questions or comments are welcome in the comments below. Let's situate some points in this situation.
Week 5 Starting Line-ups and Points:
Frog: Ronnie star (76), Vinnie (10), Sam (42)
@NotPinnock: Ronnie star (76), Situation (20), Jwoww (20)
@ckalange: Sam star (84), Situation (20), Deena (0)
@mattsisto: Sam star (84), Vinnie (10), DJ Pauly D (5)
@mikedashin: Deena star (0), Sammi (42), Ronnie (38)
@poloshot: Vinnie star (20), Situation (20), Jwoww (20)
Owen: Deena star (0), Ronnie (38), Jwoww (20)
Andy: Deena star (0), Vinnie (10), Snooki (0)
Week 5 Team Scoring:
Big Board after Week 5:
1st) 398 points (Frog)
2nd) 392.5 points (@ckalange)
3rd) 345.5 points (Andy)
4th) 320.5 points (Owen)
5th) 276 points (@mattsisto)
6th) 271.5 points (@poloshot)
7th) 229.5 points (@NotPinnock)
8th) 220.5 points (@mikedashin)
And that's how the situation is situated. Congratulations to Frog on his first stop atop the leaderboard. Interestingly enough we've had a different leader every week. I should start writing these right after the episode ends btw. I have absolutely no idea what happened on the "next week on." Which is almost better in a way. I think I'm better when I just trust my Jersey Shore gut and let the Situation situate himself in Karma to bring home those points. Unless Vinnie situates them for himself first. I'm out!
Posted by Matt at 9:10 AM
Saturday, January 22, 2011
What's the situation #JSFL? How you living?
I'm on a roll. Let's bang out these scores from last week's ep in which Jwoww breaks up with her ugly boyfriend. That's about all I remember so this leaderboard is almost like a surprise present for me. I hope I got something good. Here's the Commish' email:
Subject: It's points TIIIIMMMME
Quiet scoring this week, though my girl came on ok. Let's get to it.
J-Woww - 32: left work (3), called her boyfriend (1), broke up with him (20), and cried twice (4x2)
New Girl - 12; made out (5), and kissed a girl (7)
Vin - 1: said "situation" (1)
Snook - 9: left work (3), made out (5), and said "guidette" (1)
No points for Ronnie, but Fake Ronnie made out for 5 points. I'd love to somehow work auxiliary characters into the game: Danny the Boss, Fake Ronnie, The Stalker. It would be epic.
Ruh-roh. No points for Sitch or DJ? Not looking like a good situation for team MVP'S. Anyways.
Week 4 Starting Line-Ups and Points:
Andy: Jwoww star (64), Vinnie (1), Deena (27)
@poloshot: Jwoww star (64) Situation (0), Vinnie (1)
Owen: Deena star (54), Jwoww (32), Ron (0)
@ckalange: Deena star (54), Situation (0), Snooki (9)
@NotPinnock: Ron star (0), Situation (0), Jwoww (32)
@mikedashin: Deena star (54), Sammi (0), Ron (0)
Frog: Snooki star (18), Vinnie (1), Sammi (0)
@mattsisto: Situation star (0), Vinnie (1), DJ Pauly D (0)
Week 4 Team Scoring:
Andy: 92 (77+15 smoosh pts)
Owen: 86 [56+(15 smoosh pts x2)]
@ckalange: 63 [33+(15 smoosh pts x2)]
@mikedashin: 54 [24+(15 smoosh pts x2)]
@mattsisto: 1 (Situation star instead of Vinnie, -1pt)
Big Board after Week 4:
1st) 335.5 points (Andy)
2nd) 288.5 points (@ckalange)
3rd) 270 points (Frog)
4th) 262.5 points (Owen)
5th) 211.5 points (@poloshot)
6th) 176 points (@mattsisto)
7th) 140.5 points (@mikedashin)
8th) 113.5 points (@NotPinnock)
My point situation has never been more dismal but on the plus side I've never been more proud of my younger brother. I wish I could remember what was going to happen this week because I'd write about line-ups now. Oh well.
Also, the Commish and I were talking about a blog post of your top 5 Jersey Shore situations ever. No way Snooki's performance on Monday doesn't rank somewhere in there. That episode and the time she got jacked in the face. That situation was classic.
And that's how the situation is situated.
Posted by Matt at 10:04 PM
What up #JSFL? This post is for last Monday's episode aka the one in which Snooki rearranged the leaderboard. My one week reign of terror has ended. I'm sure you're all so upset to hear that. Enough about me though. Scores are heah!
Here are the numbers as reported by Commissioner Amsterdam:
POINTS ARE HEEEEEEEERRRRRREEE!!!!
Most diverse scoring week so far, with everyone but Ronnie putting in some value. Of course, D-Block Snooki lead the way by a wiiiiiiddddde margin. Just a hunch: J-Woww is gonna have a similarly disparate lead over the competition tonight.
Here's how the episode went down:
Snooki : 63 total: 6 for Inappropriate conduct x2 (one for drinking in store, one for leaving work to chill); 5 for cops talk to you; 50 for gerring arrested; 1 for saying 'situation'; 1 for saying 'smushing'
New Girl : 10.5 total: 3 for getting kicked out of bar; 7.5 for hookup with roommate bonus
J-Woww: 1 total: 1 for calling boyfriend
Sammi : 8 total: cried twice for 4 points each
Mike : 19.5 total: made out twice for 12.5, including once with roommate; said "Situation" twice (maybe his all-time low); brought home a random for 5
Pauly : 6 total: 5 for bringing home random; 1 for saying 'guidos'
Vinnie : 10 total: 5 for bringing home random; 5 for making out
Commish note: I don't disagree with Charlie about Vinnie getting all the close calls, so I'm gonna keep his smush points out. However, I'm going to ask for a vote as to whether to count both of his 'questionable' smush scores (this week and last) or to keep this week out to balance out the uncertainty. We need 5 out of 8 votes to apply the contested 15 for this week, and mine will be the first 'yay'. Anyone else?
Your Most Noble Commish
After some email chain debates I think we decided on something. I can't remember what though. I was Snooki drunk during that whole debate.
Week 3 Starting Line-ups and Points
Frog: Snooki star (126), Vinnie (10), Sammi (8)
Andy: Snooki star (126), Vinnie (10), Deena (10.5)
@ckalange: Snooki star (126), Situation (19.5), Sammi (8)
Owen: Snooki star: (126), Ron (0), Deena (10.5)
@mattsisto: Situation star (39), Vinnie (10), DJ Pauly D (6)
@poloshot: Vinnie star (20), Situation (19.5), Jwoww (1)
@mikedashin: Sammi star (16), Ron (0), Deena (10.5)
@NotPinnock: Ron star (0), Situation (19.5), Jwoww (1)
Week 3 Team Scoring:
Big Board after Week 3:
1st) 251 points (Owen)
2nd) 243.5 points (Andy)
3rd) 225.5 points (@ckalange)
4th) 176.5 points (Owen)
5th) 175 points (@mattsisto)
6th) 146.5 points (@poloshot)
7th) 86.5 points (@mikedashin)
8th) 81.5 points (@NotPinnock)
So there you have it folks. I'm just mad at myself for drafting DJ Pauly D 2nd round over Snooki. Maybe this season is all about the girls reclaiming the party crown after last year's MVP domination. We'll see how the situation situates itself.
Posted by Matt at 9:36 PM
Friday, January 14, 2011
Greetings fellow Guido Juice-heads.
Another great week in the books and we have a double Shore week ahead of us! The only thing that could please me more is if Tom Brady chokes to death on a penis. (Sorry @NotPinnock). But enough NY/NE vitriol! Let's get to the scores!
The newly appointed Commissioner just sent me the score email and I'll post it verbatim:
Subject: Scores are here
Very top heavy week this week
J-Woww: 16 (fight for 10 x 1.5) (call bf for 1)
Snooki: 1 ("We're in fucking Seaside, bitch")
Sam: 19 (fight for 10 x 1.5) (cried for 4)
Mike: 11 (said "situation" 5 times) (brought home random for 5) ('late' to work for 1)
Paul: 1 (said "guido")
Vin: 40 (smash for 15) (make-out x4 for 20) (brought home random for 5
New girl: 0
One bit of commentary from your commish for the blog: new girl is far too reliant on catch phrases. "blast in a glass" "party in a body" "walking holiday"??? It's becoming too much. And don't get me started on "flip the cup". It's Flip-Cup, bitch!
So what does that mean for your team?
Week 2 Starting Line-ups and Points
Frog: Vinnie star (80), Ron (0), Sammi (19)
@mattsisto: Sammi star (38), Situation (11), Vinnie (40)
@poloshot: Jwoww star (32), Vinnie (40), DJ Pauly D (1)
Andy: Jwoww star (32), Vin (40), Deena (0)
@NotPinnock: Jwoww star (32) Situation (11), Ron (0)
@ckalange: Sammi star (38), Situation (11), Deena (0)
@mikedashin: Sammi star (38), Deena (0), DJ Pauly D (1)
Owen: Jwoww star (32), Snooki (1), Deena (0)
Week 2 Team Scoring:
Big Board after Week 2
1st) 120 points (@mattsisto)
2nd) 107 points (Frog)
3rd) 106 points (@poloshot)
4th) 97 points (Andy)
5th) 72 points (@ckalange)
6th) 61 points (@NotPinnock)
7th) 60 points (@mikedashin)
8th) 40 points (Owen)
So there ya have it. Frog's GREAT roster play puts him in third place over-all. Of course, all of this is subject to change with Snooki's potential 150 point plus show on Monday. I think I also saw in the preview that she, Deena, and Sitch talk around having a threesome. If that happens she'll have roommate hook-up points multiplied BY THREE. Think about it: that's a hook-up multiplied by 1.5 with the roommate but then it's also a threesome so that multiplies by 3? Someone is going to have to draw out an equation for me because frankly trying to calculate how to apply those multipliers feels like calculus.
But looking at these scores I'm actually less worried about it than I had been after first seeing the preview. It's entirely possible that a team that doesn't have Snook could get a few other hook ups from other characters later. God knows Snooki will probably tone it down after getting arrested. At least, that's what a normal person might do. But with the #JSFL you have to throw out the rule book on standard reality television behavior.
Some other odds and ends from around the league:
We discussed adding some extra 1 point categories for "Cabs are here" and "T-shirt time"
We discussed the merits of a head-to-head weekly match-up and playoff system for next year ala Fantasy Football. This isn't so much up for debate as much as to say next year it's happening because it's a brilliant idea.
However, all changes will be put to the league for ratification at the half way point between episodes 9 and 10. That may be sooner than we think if they keep doubling up weeks. Not that I'm complaining. I'd watch them try to get a beach ball off the roof every night if I could. The only thing I don't want to see is Ronnie and Sam lying in bed. I wish we could somehow penalize them for that but I digress.
That's how the situation is situated. See y'all on the twitter on Monday night.
@ckalange and I have spent the last hour or so arguing about the point value for Vinnie's quadruple kiss. Here's my take:
While Charlie's math and logic makes perfect sense, I'm hung up on the idea of using a three time's multiplier for a triple kiss. It just makes sense in my head for the triple kiss to be worth three-times a normal kiss. For instance, if it were called a double kiss I would have no problem using a 2x multiplier. Triple Kiss= 3x multiplier. In the case of Vinnie's Quadruple kiss, my logic would follow that quadruple = 4x multiplier for a grand total of 20 points.
Here's what Charlie has to say:
My argument is as follows. The #JSFL Point-sheet Template awards 5pts for a cast member making out with another person. We saw handfuls of these instances over the course of Season 2, with DJ Pauly D, Sitch, and Vinnie all getting 5pts here and there for making out with one other person at a time. We also recall the early days of Jersey Shore Miami when Ron-Ron prioritized living in the moment over a long-term loving relationship with Sammi and infamously went in for the "triple kiss" at a club and was consequently awarded 15pts by the #JSFL for his feat.
This was a slight miscalculation in my mind, because the term "triple kiss" really refers to a makeout x2. Therefore, the act should be awarded 5pts (x2) for 10pts. However, when the term "triple kiss" is uttered, there is an unmistakable urge to pair it with the number three, or a 3x multiplier, as was the case with the Ron-Ron triple kiss, when in fact it should have only been awarded 10pts for making out with two people, not three (Ron didn't kiss himself, he kissed two other people).
This however set a precedent for awarding Vinnie 20pts for a "four-way kiss" (i.e. Vinnie kisses three other people) in Episode 2 of Season 3. While the sample size of multi-participant kisses is low (just the contended error with Ronnie from Season 2), I think the sample size for single makeout points is much larger, with each occurrence being awarded 5pts to the cast member participant. The question is two-fold: what is the correct score according to the point template, and what makeout precedent really holds more weight? I contend that making out with one person = 5pts, two people = 10pts (aka triple kiss), and three people = 15pts (aka four-way kiss).
Long-winded? Yes. But it's better than letting a breeze blow through my argument. What say the #JSFL?
I'd appreciate any input from the rest of the league. @NotPinnock has weighed in and sided with me. We have yet to hear from the rest of the league. We should try to resolve this issue before Monday just so we can set a precedent and move on to the rest of the season.
Posted by Matt at 9:45 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What's happening Kookas?
It seems like just yesterday we were waxing our chests and taking our blow-outs to South Beach yet we're somehow tallying up points for Week 1. It all goes by so fast. It's why you have to cherish every greasy, depraved moment.
I think we all thought the Situation was going to carry the week after seeing him say a form of Situation 8 times. A first week fight is unheard of! The safe thinking was to star Situation or whomever your big bat is because Week 1 is a wash and no one really scores big. I think it's safe to say you can throw out your standard Fantasy Reality Television Handbook: Jersey Shore knows no rules. But I digress. Here's the breakdown:
Jwoww and Sammi fought for 15 points (10 x1.5 roommate multiplier)
Situation said "Situation" 8 times.
Snooki said "I'm in Seaside, bitch" once (1 point), and Guido (1 point), Situation (1 point) and Smoosh (1 point)
Deena stripped down for a new point category inaugural 3 nudity points.
DJ Pauly D said "Situation" twice.
Ron and Vin put up goose eggs. (Deena may be the only person to take her clothes off and start a fight and still get no points. JS breaks all the rules (CORRECTION: I completely forgot we added a new nudity point category. my b to Deena teams)
In list form:
Sammi: 15 points
Jwoww: 15 points
Situation: 8 points
Snooki: 4 points
Deena: 3 points
DJ Pauly D: 2 points
Week 1 Starting Line-ups and points:
@poloshot: Situation star (16), DJ Pauly D (2), Jwoww (15)
@mattsisto: Situation star (16), Sammi (15), Vinnie (0)
@ckalange: Situation star (16), Deena (3), Snooki (4)
Andy S: Deena star (6), Snooki (4), Jwoww (15)
@NotPinnock: Situation star (16), Ron (0), DJ Pauly D (2)
@MikeDashin: Deena star (6), Ron (0), Sammi (15)
Frog: Snooki star (8), Ron (0), Vin (0)
Owen: Ron star (0), Snooki (4), Deena (3)
Week 1 Team Scoring:
Andy S: 25
Big Board After Week 1:
1st) 33 points (@poloshot)
2nd) 31 points (mattsisto)
3rd) 25 points (Andy)
4th) 23 points (@ckalange)
5th) 21 points (@mikedashin)
6th) 18 points (@NotPinnock)
7th) 8 points (Frog)
8th) 7 points (Owen)
And that wraps up Week 1's Score Post. Who are you starting this week? Toss up for Star between Vinnie and Jwoww/Sammi if you have them. But I've said too much already. The new roster situation (1 point) is going to lead me to play my card's close to my wife-beater. That's just how the Situation is Situated.
Oh, one last thing: "I don't give a fuck. I will attack you like a squirrel monkey." That is all.
Posted by Matt at 9:20 AM
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I'm so amped up right now I can barely contain myself. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! I also love the hour long #JSFL twitter banter. Classic.
But before we do anything else let's get the draft and teams down.
@ckalange - The Situation
@the Frog - Snooki
@the Owen - Snooki
@poloshot- The Situation
@mattsisto - The Situation (Situation out)
@the Andy - Deena
@mikedashin - Deena
@mikedashin - Ronnie
@the Andy- Snooki
@mattsisto - DJ Pauly D
@poloshot - DJ Pauly D
@NotPinnock - Ronnie
@the Owen - Ronnie
@the Frog - Ronnie (Ronnie out)
@ckalange - Deena
@ckalange - Snooki (Snooki out)
@the Frog - Vinnie
@the Owen - Deena (Deena out)
@NotPinnock - Jwoww
@poloshot - Jwoww
@mattsisto - Vinnie
@the Andy - Vinnie
@mikedashin - DJ Pauly D
@mikedashin - Sammi Sweetheart
@the Andy - Jwoww
@mattsisto - Sammi Sweetheart
@poloshot- Vinnie (Vinnie out)
@NotPinnock - DJ Pauly D (DJ Pauly D out)
@the Owen - Jwoww (Jwoww out)
@the Frog - Sammie Sweetheart
@ckalange - Sammi Sweetheart (Sammi Sweetheart out)
@ckalange - Situation, Deena, Snooki, Sammi
Frog - Snooki, Ronnie, Vinnie, Sammi
Owen - Snooki, Ronnie, Deena, Jwoww
@NotPinnock - Situation, Ronnie, Jwoww, DJ Pauly D
@poloshot - Situation, DJ Pauly D, Jwoww, Vinnie
@mattsisto - Situation, DJ Pauly D, Vinnie, Sammi
Andy - Deena, Snooki, Vinnie, Jwoww
@mikedashin - Deena, Ronnie, DJ Pauly D, Sammi
Can't wait to score this one! Also, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!!
Posted by Matt at 8:08 PM
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Jersey Shore Fantasy League
Numbers ranging from 1-8 will be written on pieces of paper, folded, and placed in a hat. Players will pick a piece of paper and the draft will proceed from the first pick (1) through the 8th (8). In the second round picks will go from numbers 8-1. In the third round picks will go 1-8. Each cast-member will be available 4 times to be selected at any point. Once said cast-member has been picked 4 times he is off the board. Players may not select the same the same cast member twice.
All efforts will be made to place the draft at a time and place accessible to all participants. Should anyone be unable to attend the draft they may either choose someone to act for them or (ideally) represent themselves via speakerphone or the internets.
Trades will be allowed through the newly established week 15 trade deadline. Trades can come in any form but must be approved by at least 2 parties with no part in the trade. For instance, if one participant loses interest in the league he may offer to trade his cast members to another participant for a hot dog/beer/hearty handshake. The participant in this instance would need the approval of at least two other indifferent parties to finalize the trade. All trades must be finalized by the 8 pm roster submission deadline, outlined under Rosters below.
There is no cap for the number of players allowed on a team. Should two participants decide to trade Sammy and Ronnie for The Situation they would only need the approval of 2 non-involved parties for trade to be admissible.
Each week teams will submit rosters by 8 pm on the night of the episode either through email or twitter to the Associate Commissioner in Charge of Rosters. Each roster submission will detail a Star Player, two other starters, and one bench player. Each player must be a Star Player at least once and every player must be on the active roster at least 3 times. Each player must also be benched at least 3 times. The roster history will be maintained by the ACCR on a google doc and made public by request.
The League Commissioner shall be responsible for tallying points and entering them into a google doc spread sheet that will be made available for all participants to view. In the event that a point total is disputed, the individual scores for said cast-member (as recorded by participants) will be averaged out and that average point total will stand. The League Commissioner will also take into consideration input from other players and, if a majority of other players disagree, the point ruling will be changed.
The player designated as a “Star Player” on a roster will be granted a 2x multiplier on all points scored that episode. The other two starters score normal points, bench players score none.
If a cast-member is traded their previously scored points do not migrate but remain with their former team. Team points will be tallied following the grand finale. In the event of a tie, points will be tallied during the “shit they should have shown” episode or, should that episode not take place, the winner will be chosen based on the amount of times their team has to be “bleeped” during the reunion show. Each Bleep will be worth one point even if it is a longer, sustained bleep.
All points for teams will be tallied and blogged within 48 hours of the League Commissioners point tally. Any errors in math will be fixed immediately.
Any questions or changes to the rules must be decided before the week 15 trade deadline. Any proposed changes must have the support of greater than 50% of the league. Similarly, if the league commissioner is found to be not up to task he may be voted out if greater than 50% of the league wishes however he must be replaced at that time by a candidate able to carry greater than 50% of the votes. If the original commissioner was voted out but no replacement is found he will keep his position but try to do a better job.
2-Yelled at by boss
3-Inappropriate conduct (drinking, hooking up, etc.)
3-Kicked out of bar
5-Cops talk to you
5-Public indecency (hot tub/patio included (Anything with Blurcles))
7-Girl making out with girl
15-Girl hitting guy
100-Guy hitting girl (slaps, hard shoves, tosses, basic intent to harm, etc.)
20-BF/GF cheats on you during visit
1-Any iteration of “Jersey Shore Bitch”
1-Saying Guido, Guidette, or The Situation
1- Iteration of "Smoosh/Smash/Smash-room"
5-Bring home random (per person)
10-Getting a tattoo or piercing
20-Break up with BF/GF
25-Reading a book
x1.5-Anything with a roommate
Posted by Matt at 10:11 PM