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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Moving Right Along

Hello my friends and Kookas-

It is with a mix of regret and gratitude that I write the final entry on this blog. We're migrating over to wordpress because it offers more options and room for growth into our site as we build it from the ground up.

We've had such good times with this blog! It seems like just yesterday we were watching JS Miami and arguing about threesomes. Leaving this blog is like saying goodbye to an old car. The time has come though. The air conditioning and transmission just gave out. Here are some links:

Our new blog:

Our twitter:

Our Facebook Page

And finally you can always email us at:

Thanks so much for playing. Hopefully we'll see you on the other site. That's the Situation.


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Numbers Post

What is up my #JSFL kookas?

It feels great just writing that. What better way to get excited for another season of reality television fantasy league than with a hard look at Jersey Shore stats. With that in mind I present you the reader with the 2011 Draft Cheat Sheet. Enjoy that situation.

We're going to break this post up by athlete, analyze their strengths and weaknesses, scoring averages, points per minute, etc... Three graphs for each individual: Miami, Back to SeaSide and both. I've also calculated a percentage chance for scoreless episode, represented as CSE. Lots of good stuff. Let's get to it.

The Situation

13.98 Points Per Episode (hereafter PPE)
.331 Points Per Minute (hereafter PPM)
346.5 Points
8% CSE

When we talk Situation we're talking consistency. He had the fewest goose eggs for both seasons (2), led the league in Miami in points per episode (17.08 PPE), finished in the top 50% back in seaside PPM (.259), and a league leading 13.98 PPE over-all. Perhaps most spectacularly, the Situation has a 8% chance of putting up no score with his 2 goose eggs in 25 appearances. Let's get a visual representation of his scoring:


Back to Seaside

Both Seasons

Also consider that The Situation is the second place over-all point leader with 346.5 points. I think The Situation is a building block, like drafting Peyton Manning or Kobe four years ago. You're not going to kill anyone but you can build a team around a well-rounded point effort. If you want to talk all-out scoring blitz though...

Sammi Sweetheart

13.915 PPE
.331 PPM
350 Points
28% CSE

Looking at these numbers has absolutely blown my mind. Everyone, myself included, has written off Sammi as some long-legged Ron accessory but she has crushed him and everyone else in the league. She's the clubhouse scoring leader with 350 points, over both seasons she's averaged 13.915 PPE (second only to the Situation), and tied the Situation with a leading .331 PPM. I've seriously been questioning even sharing this post with you guys in case someone decides to take her in the second round and I lose my chance. Here are the graphs:


Back to Seaside

Both Seasons

The one draw-back to Sam is that when she stinks, she stinks hard. In the end of the Miami season she put up 4 consecutive goose-eggs so if you're relying on her to win a weekly match-up you could get screwed. Statistically then she has a 28% chance of putting up a score which is scary if she's your stalwart. Caveat emptor. Want to talk risky JS stock?


11.46 PPE
.272 PPM
285 total points
44% CSE

I think we all know what happens when the Ron-Ron Juice starts flowing. Here we have a guy capable of an arrest-free 50 point outing who has to face the contradiction of a bottom four PPE and an absolutely abysmal CSE. With Ron you get the chance of a big episode but you also have the almost 50% chance that he will do nothing. Simmons' league is absolutely misguided taking Ron anything other than bottom of the barrel second round pick. Even then I'd stay away. Better value elsewhere.


Back to Seaside


Just look at all those zeroes... Now let's talk consistency but low upside.

DJ Pauly D

10.22 PPE
.239 PPM
252 points
20% CSE

Anyone who has had DJ Pauly D on their team will tell you that he is the single most frustrating player in the league. Every night he's in Karma you can't help but think that he could hook up with all the trashbags in there. Yet his average points speak to his poor performance. 6th place PPE and 6th place total points. I think we're all waiting for the DJ to finally put up the numbers we know he's capable of. He had one 50 pt outing last season. Too little too late.


Back to Seaside

Both Seasons

Unless DJ Pauly D starts putting up numbers I'm not sure he's anything better than a third round pick, however much I might enjoy his television company.


11.585 PPE
.272 PPM
290.5 points
32% CSE

Ever since our first draft during which Snooki was off the board by the 4th pick I thought she was over-rated. She's 4th in over-all points (290.5), has an average PPE, PPM and CSE, and annoys the bejesus out of me. Basically the only reason she's so popular is because she got punched in the face and then shit-canned on the beach. Not impressed. Still a second round pick.


Back to Seaside


You know who is solid though?


12.2 PPE
.287 PPM
303.5 points
28% CSE

The Vinshow lived up to all hype last year: we billed him as the guy with a lot to prove who doesn't creep out the girls and gets a lot of tail and he did just that. How his repertoire will play with the Italian girls who (maybe) have no idea who he is is anyone's guess. But with Vinnie you get a consistent scorer with a low CSE and an above average PPE. He's one of three players to rack up more than 300 points and in a good week can be a great role-player and chick slayer.


Back to Seaside


Vinnie isn't attractive though. Which is just a clever tie in to the resident sexpot...

Jenni Jwoww

7.505 PPE
.174 PPM
189 points
36% CSE

Oh Jwoww, when I first saw you I thought my reality television dreams had finally come true. Here was a bodacious, slutty looking girl who loved to fight, who threatened to pray on men like a mantis, who wore no clothes and swore and drank like a sailor. And then she got one boyfriend. And then she got another. Intermittent scoring, lots of goose eggs, an absolutely atrocious 189 points. When I see Jwoww I see wasted potential that I'd like to hook up with. It's sad.


Back to Seaside

Both Seasons

I'm still sad. Speaking of people I'd hook up with...


13.1 PPE
.251 PPM
131 Points
8% CSE

Angelina's time was too brief. I shouldn't even cover her but I do specifically to high light the worst player in the league. See Angelina's CSE? That's tied with the Situation. Check that PPE? Not too shabby over ten episodes. Here's a graph:


Most important: look at her point total. That's 131 points over ten episodes. . Let's turn to...


4.34 PPE
.103 PPM
56.5 points
48% CSE

So basically Deena is the worst. You could double her points and she'd still fall short of Angelina's mark. We all thought going in that Deena would be a blast in a glass. She's quotable but quotes don't put points on the board. If she's not the last person on the board I'll be shocked.

Alright y'all. That's enough for now. I have the spread sheet though so at some point in the next week or so I'm going to do a few team comparisons, look at the successes and failures, examine bench/star plays, etc...

But for now...

That's the situation.

Matt Sisto
#JSFL President and CEO

Monday, March 28, 2011

Year of the Frog: Final Points

It is with both joy and sadness that I start our final Jersey Shore Fantasy League post. What a season it has been. Lots of lead changes, lots of disputes, but we all came out on the other side stronger for it. I'm proud of you guys. Let's hear what the commissioner has to say.


My dear fellow JSFLers,

Wow. Writing this summary, I feel like our beloved shore kids at the end of this episode: we've had our highs and lows, fights and laughs, and while we'll all (hopefully) be back next season, we're still going to miss our regular interaction. It's been a helluva year, though. Doesn't it seem so long ago that we were drafting over AIM? Or watching a wasted Snooki get arrested? These are the moments that stay with you for life.

Personally, I think this episode was the perfect way for our silly little game to come to an end: confusing, emotional, controversial (we'll get there), high-scoring (everybody put up points!), and most importantly, including Uncle Nino. Before I give you the breakdown, let me explain a few point decisions.

Snooki got make-out and hook-up points, but not points for bringing home a random, based on the ruling a few weeks ago regarding Roger, that said you're only a 'random' the first time you go home.

I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that J-Woww and Roger had sex that final night after becoming official. But, unfortunately, I cannot give her the points. There was no evidence in the episode, and my gut instinct is insufficient.

There were a few borderline cries, so I went with a standard of audible weeping or visible tears, not voice breaks. Still a fair bit of crying to be had.

Finally, I did not give break-up points again to Ron and Sam, as I don't think their recent relapse qualifies them as a reestablished couple.

That said, let's go to the scoreboard:

Sammi scored 4: cried once (4)
Snooki got 24: cried (4), made out (5) and got it in (15 - no bonus for whiskey dick)
Deena (on the finale, she's no longer New Girl) got one: she said 'situation'
J-Woww got 9: made out (5), and cried (4)

Ronnie got 7: Inappropriate work conduct (3), and cried (4)
Mike brought home 1: he said "situation"
Vinnie and Pauly each got 5 for the makeouts in Karma

That's how it breaks down. I'd like to congratulate my friend Chris 'Frog' Felicetta onWeek his strong rookie season. I think I can get a bunch of people in for next year. I still think that we should try a head-to-head format. Maybe try to get 16 - and go two divisions of 8 with a playoff situation (one point for me)? These are the things we need to think about.

Until then, my friends, I'll see you on the twitters and blogs, and wherever there is bad reality television merged with low-stakes gambling...

'I'm in Italy, bitch!'

Much love,
Commissioner Amsterdam


God it makes me sad that there are only so many times I'll read "makeout in Karma" in the next few months. Oh yeah, points are herreee yeeaaaahhh:

Week 13 Line-ups:

Owen: Snooki star (48), Deena (6), Jwoww (9)
Andy: Vinnie star (10), Snooki (24), Jwoww (9)
@ckalange: Deena star (12), Snooki (24), Sammi (4)
@poloshot: Jwoww star (18), DJ Pauly D (5)
Frog: Ronnie star (14), Sammi (4), Vinnie (5)
@NotPinnock: DJ Pauly D star (10), Jwoww (9)
@mikedashin: DJ Pauly D star (10, Sammi (4)
@mattsisto: Sammi star (8), DJ Pauly D (5)

Week 13 Team Scoring:

Owen: 63
Andy: 43
@ckalange: 40
@poloshot: 23
Frog: 23
@notpinnock: 19
@mikedashin: 14
@mattsisto: 13

The FInal Scores:

The Jersey Shore Fantasy League 2011 Season Champion is Frog with a #JSFL record 899 points. To further congratulate him I've put his picture at the top of the blog post. Congrats Frog! Great win.

2) @ckalange 839.5 points
3) @mattsisto 628 points
4) Owen 627.5 points
5) Andy 621.5 points
6) @poloshot 579.5 points
7) @mikedashin 531.5 points
8) @NotPinnock 497.5 points


Can you fucking believe how narrowly I edged out Owen for third place? Tough beat man.

I'd love to hear from anyone and everyone with some feedback on how to improve the league. I'm already planning a post in the post-season about ideas and things we can do diffrently next year. I'm also going to look into expanding so I'd love to hear what shows you'd all be interested in playing. As innaugural members I can promise that you'll play for free for ever even when I'm hustling people for money on the just announced All in due time of course.

Be well my friends, glad we situated this situation up in this situation.

Matt Sisto, #JSFL CEO

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Final Countdown: Week 12 Points

I put up a sluty picture of Jwoww because she's the only one who can change the leaderboard right now. More on that after the scores.

What's happening #jsfl kookas?

Tonight is the final episode and we're coming right down to the wire. For third place. The top two spots are pretty much sealed.

I don't remember what happened last week so we're going to have to go with the commissioners score to remind ourselves. Here it is:

Subject: One Week Left

Ok, I'm hungover, so let's do this quickly.

We have one episode left. Had to get points in ASAP. So here they are.

Sammi - 34: cried (4), made out with roommate (5x1.5=7.5) and smashed with roommate (15x1.5=22.5)
Ronnie - 30: made out with roommate (5x1.5=7.5) and smashed with roommate (15x1.5=22.5)
Vinnie - 15: Got a piercing (10) and brought home a random (5)
Pauly - 5: brought home a random
Mike - 28: inappropriate work conduct (3), got fired (25)

Nothing from Snooki, Jenni or the New Girl. Last episode to make a move. Good luck #JSFLers!

Commish Commish


I should note that not a single team played Situation this week. Too bad because he put up some points. Anyways...

Week 12 Line-Ups:

Frog: Ronnie star (60), Sammi (34), Snooki (0)
@ckalange: Sammi star (68), Snooki (0), Deena (0)
@mikedashin: DJ Pauly D star (10), Sammi (34)
@mattsisto: DJ Pauly D star (10), Sammi (34)
@poloshot: Vinnie star (30), Jwoww (0), DJ Pauly D (5)
Andy: Snooki star (0), Vinnie (15), Jwoww (0)
@NotPinnock: DJ Pauly D star (10), Jwoww (0)
Owen: Deena star (0), Jwoww (0)

Week 12 Team Scoring:

Frog: 94
@ckalange: 68
@mikedashin: 44
@mattsisto: 44
@poloshot: 35
Andy: 15
@NotPinnock: 10
Owen: 0

Big Board After Week 12:

1) 876 points Frog
2) 799.5 points @ckalange
3) 615 points @mattsisto
4) 578.5 points Andy
5) 564.5 points Owen
6) 556.5 points @poloshot
7) 517.5 points @mikedashin
8) 478.5 points @NotPinnock

And that's the leaderboard going into tonight's final episode. No surprises who is winning. I don't think anyone can stop Frog now. Best we can hope for is a competitive third place fight. That can happen if:

Deena and Jwoww have a big night for Owen and Andy. Vinny can also come up big for Andy's team to propel him over me.

@notpinnock can overtake @mikedashin for 2nd to last if Jwoww plays big for him too.

What's Jwoww going to do? Hopefully something spectacular. That's why I put her picture up.

See you all in the off-season situation.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Uncle Nino Makes Everything a-Nice: Week 11 Points

Two posts in one day? We've got a situation. Let's get to it. From the Commissioner:

Subject: Two Weeks Late is Better than Never

Hey JSFLers.

Happy March Madness, gentlemen. This would typically be my favorite time of year, but I got KILLED in my picks last week, so screw it. My favorite day of the year is 9 days away... MLB OPENING DAY!!!! Oh, the glory awaits.

A few points I want to make about this episode, before moving to scores.

First, UNCLE NINO! This show needs more of him. Or, he needs his own show. Can he please go to Italy with them next season?

Two, if you watch this episode again, watch carefully when they all leave Karma the first time. There's a TINY dude (talking like 5 foot nothing) walking next to J-Woww. He doesn't show up in the house, so no random points. But I would love to know more.

Finally, two related points, stemming from the dog release plot. One, Mike has officially crossed the line into one of the creepiest individuals on the planet. How is he a member of society? And two, this season has had far too much excrement-related subplots: public micturation/defecation, Snooki talking about her bowel movements far too much, the clogged toilet, now this? I'm not a fan.

That said, enough about piss and shit. On to points:

Sammy got 19: made out with Ronnie twice (10x1.5=15) and cried once (4)
Snooki took home 20: brought home a random (5) and got it in (15)
Ronnie got 15: made out with Sammy twice (10x1.5=15)
Mike got 1: Said his self-proclaimed nickname once.

That's it for points. Not as much scoring as we all would hope - not unlike my Knicks lately... god, I hate Mike D'Antoni.

On to the next episode!
Your commissioner (who makes even less than the $1 that Roger Goodell makes... and does a better job than he does)


Oh Yeah Week 11 Line-Ups Yeeaaahhhh:

Frog: Ronnie star (30), Sammi (19), Snooki (20)
@ckalange: Sammi star (38), Situation (1), Snooki (20)
Owen: Ronnie star (30), Jwoww (0), Snooki (20)
Andy: Snooki star (40), Vinny (0), Deena (0)
@NotPinnock: Ronnie star (30), Situation (1), DJ Pauly D (0)
@mattsisto: DJ Pauly D star (0), Situation (1), Sammi (19)
@mikedashin: DJ Pauly D star (0), Ronnie (15) Deena (0)
@poloshot: DJ Pauly D star (0), Situation (1), Vinny (0)

Week 11 Team Scoring Yeah:

Frog: 69
@ckalange: 59
Owen: 50
Andy: 40
@notpinnock: 31
@mattsisto: 20
@mikedashin: 15
@poloshot: 1

Big Board After Week 11:

1) 782 points Frog
2) 731.5 points @ckalange
3) 571 points @mattsisto yeaahhh
4) 564.5 points Owen
5) 563.5 points Andy
6) 521.5 points @poloshot
7) 473.5 points @mikedashin
8) 468.5 points @NotPinnock

So what have we situated here?

Frog and @ckalange have pulled away for the top ranking I think. Whether @ckalange can pull out a second league championship is anyone's guess but 50 points is not an impossible number if the Situation has a great outing.

It is literally neck in neck (neck to neck?) for third place. I have 6.5 point on Owen and 8 points on my brother. @poloshot could rally too with a great outing from Jwoww and if I don't get anything from Sammi.

The third place contestant, yours truly, is also in a tough spot having mismanaged his roster. He's stuck with DJ and Sammi going into the final stretch. Not a great line up to try to finish in the money.

Finally, the fight to not be the goose is down to @mikedashin and @NotPinnock. 5 point difference. Whose it going to be?

That's the situation. See you next week.

DJ PAULY DIZZLE: Week 10 Points

What's up #JSFL Kookas?

This happened so long ago I'll try to remember the events of the episode for you: Sam, Ron and Snook put cheese in the King of Comedy's bed; I think Jwoww micturated (pee-peed) on the street; DJ Pauly D came back swinging with 50 points. Here's the Commisioner's email:

Subject: Higher Scoring than Mike on an STD Test

Hey boys hey boys hey boys!

Sorry for the delay this week. I was calling doctors trying to find out if you can get an STD from head. I let a guy suck me off for some crack, and considering the looks of that bum, it may have been a bad idea.

But enough jokes about crippling drug addiction. Let's move to something far less healthy - The Shore House!

The only issue I need to discuss this week: Has that impostor known as 'Paul' finally been thrown over by DJ Pauly D?!? It's too early to tell after one episode, but the DJ threw up a YUGE WEEK, DOGGIE. YUUUUUUUGE WEEK. (That's a little Francesa humor for @NotPinnock). Fortune favors the bold - and I, for one, could not be happier that Your Commissioner started the DJ this week. On that note, on to scores:

I gave J-Woww 'public indecency' points for her street pee. Note to @mattsisto - can we add some sort of public urination/defecation points for next season? (speaking of excrement, I'm so glad the clogged toilet is gone from our lives. What a terrible addition to the show. Almost as bad as Angelina) As such:

Jenni - 5 points: (public indecency=5)
Snooki - 4 points: (cried=4)
Mike - 21 points: (said Situation=1)+(brought home a random=5)+(mouth-smushed=15) [commish note - in the interest of equality, Mike got smush points for the BJ, just like Deena did for the cunning linguist]
Vinny - 25 points: (brought home a random=5)+(made out=5)+(smashed=15)
DJ PAULY D!!!! -50 points: (brought home two random=5x2)+(made out twice=5x2)+(banged twice=15x2)

No points this week for Ron, Sam or NG.

I'm sure someone will complain about the scoring, but I'm satisfied. And all-powerful. So, yeah.

Sorry about the very long - and very dirty - post this week. I'm bored as hell in morning class.

Benediction, no affliction
The One and Only Commish


Week 10 Line-Ups Yeeaaahhhhh

@poloshot: Vinnie star (50), Situation (21), DJ Pauly D (50)
@notpinnock: Ron star (0), Situation (21), DJ Pauly D (50)
@mattsisto: Vinnie star (50), Situation (21), Sammi (0)
Andy: Vinnie star (50), Snooki (4), Jwoww (5)
Frog: Vinnie star (50), Snooki (4), Ronnie (0)
@ckalange: Situation star (42), Snooki (4), Sammi (0)
Owen: Snooki star (8), Ronnie (0), Jwoww (5)
@mikedashin: Deena star (0), Ronnie (0), Sammi (0)

Oh Yeah Week 10 Team Scoring Yeeeeeaahhhhh

@poloshot: 121
@notpinnock: 71
@mattsisto: 71
Andy: 59
Frog: 54
@ckalange: 46
Owen: 13
@mikedashin: 0

Big Board After Week 10:

1) 713 points (Frog)
2) 672.5 points (@ckalange)
3) 551 points (@mattsisto
4) 523.5 points (Andy)
5) 520.5 points (@poloshot)
6) 514.5 points (Owen)
7) 458.5 points (@mikedashin)
8) 437.5 points (@NotPinnock)

I will try to blog points as I get them. Hopefully we can catch up for the finale in two weeks so we know who to root for/against. Still pretty stagnant in the top two positions but third place is very much up for grabs.

That's how the situation is situated.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Jersey Snore: Week 9 Points

There wasn't anything exciting from last week so I thought I'd put up a sweet picture of A-Rod riding an escalator.

Last week: so boring. My one hope is that there's a Situation/Vinshow fight brewing. But that's just speculation. I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing Ronnie blow up with Sam's return. More speculation. Let's get to last weeks' all time low scoring episode. (I actually went back to look at last season and this is by far the lowest scoring ep ever)

Here's the Commish:

Subject: This episode doesn't deserve a clever subject

So, I think that Matt's tweet was most accurate: this was the lowest scoring episode yet, but a fairly entertaining one. I've been over the Sitch for a while now, but I love the cab prank. He killed that buzz, though, with the creepy pretend dinner party.

That said, there were only two scorable events: Mike saying "situation" a few times, and one work crew taking an excessively long lunch (worth lateness points to me!). Here's the breakdown:

NG - late = 1 point
Paul - late = 1 point
Michael - late, said Situation twice = 3 points

There you go. Less exciting than the Oscars. Fuck it.

Your Commish


At least the Knicks won though.

Week 9 Line-ups and Points:

@mattsisto: Vinshow star (0), Situation (3), DJ Pauly D (1)
@ckalange: Snooki star (0), Situation (3), Deena's Kook (1)
@poloshot: Vinshow star (0), Situation (3), DJ Pauly D (1)
@notpinnock: Ron star (0), Situation (3), DJ Pauly D (1)
@mikedashin: Deena star (2), Ron (0), Sammi (0)
Andy: Snooki star (0), Deena (1), Jwoww (0)
Owen: Ron-ron star (0), Snooki (0), Deena's kooka (1)
Frog: Snooki star (0), Vinshow (1), Sammi Sweetheart (0)

Week 9 Team Scoring:

@mattsisto: 4
@ckalange: 4
@poloshot: 4
@notpinnock: 4
@mikedashin: 2
Andy: 1
Owen: 1
Frog: 1

Big Board after Week 9:

1) 659 points (Frog)
2) 626.5 points (@ckalange)
3) 501.5 points (Owen)
4) 480 points (@mattsisto)
5) 464.5 points (Andy)
6) 458.5 points (@mikedashin)
7) 399.5 points (@poloshot)
8) 366.5 points (@NotPinnock)

So there you have it. Worst. Week. Ever. Oddly I was still entertained. See you all next week.