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Friday, January 14, 2011

Vinnie is King of the Smoosh: Week 2 Scores

Greetings fellow Guido Juice-heads.

Another great week in the books and we have a double Shore week ahead of us! The only thing that could please me more is if Tom Brady chokes to death on a penis. (Sorry @NotPinnock). But enough NY/NE vitriol! Let's get to the scores!

The newly appointed Commissioner just sent me the score email and I'll post it verbatim:

Subject: Scores are here

Very top heavy week this week

J-Woww: 16 (fight for 10 x 1.5) (call bf for 1)
Snooki: 1 ("We're in fucking Seaside, bitch")
Sam: 19 (fight for 10 x 1.5) (cried for 4)
Mike: 11 (said "situation" 5 times) (brought home random for 5) ('late' to work for 1)
Paul: 1 (said "guido")
Vin: 40 (smash for 15) (make-out x4 for 20) (brought home random for 5
Ronnie: 0
New girl: 0

One bit of commentary from your commish for the blog: new girl is far too reliant on catch phrases. "blast in a glass" "party in a body" "walking holiday"??? It's becoming too much. And don't get me started on "flip the cup". It's Flip-Cup, bitch!

That's all.

Much love
Commissioner Amsterdam

So what does that mean for your team?

Week 2 Starting Line-ups and Points

Frog: Vinnie star (80), Ron (0), Sammi (19)
@mattsisto: Sammi star (38), Situation (11), Vinnie (40)
@poloshot: Jwoww star (32), Vinnie (40), DJ Pauly D (1)
Andy: Jwoww star (32), Vin (40), Deena (0)
@NotPinnock: Jwoww star (32) Situation (11), Ron (0)
@ckalange: Sammi star (38), Situation (11), Deena (0)
@mikedashin: Sammi star (38), Deena (0), DJ Pauly D (1)
Owen: Jwoww star (32), Snooki (1), Deena (0)

Week 2 Team Scoring:

Frog: 99
@mattsisto: 89
@poloshot: 73
Andy: 72
@ckalange: 49
@NotPinnock: 43
@mikedashin: 39
Owen: 33

Big Board after Week 2

1st) 120 points (@mattsisto)
2nd) 107 points (Frog)
3rd) 106 points (@poloshot)
4th) 97 points (Andy)
5th) 72 points (@ckalange)
6th) 61 points (@NotPinnock)
7th) 60 points (@mikedashin)
8th) 40 points (Owen)

So there ya have it. Frog's GREAT roster play puts him in third place over-all. Of course, all of this is subject to change with Snooki's potential 150 point plus show on Monday. I think I also saw in the preview that she, Deena, and Sitch talk around having a threesome. If that happens she'll have roommate hook-up points multiplied BY THREE. Think about it: that's a hook-up multiplied by 1.5 with the roommate but then it's also a threesome so that multiplies by 3? Someone is going to have to draw out an equation for me because frankly trying to calculate how to apply those multipliers feels like calculus.

But looking at these scores I'm actually less worried about it than I had been after first seeing the preview. It's entirely possible that a team that doesn't have Snook could get a few other hook ups from other characters later. God knows Snooki will probably tone it down after getting arrested. At least, that's what a normal person might do. But with the #JSFL you have to throw out the rule book on standard reality television behavior.

Some other odds and ends from around the league:

We discussed adding some extra 1 point categories for "Cabs are here" and "T-shirt time"

We discussed the merits of a head-to-head weekly match-up and playoff system for next year ala Fantasy Football. This isn't so much up for debate as much as to say next year it's happening because it's a brilliant idea.

However, all changes will be put to the league for ratification at the half way point between episodes 9 and 10. That may be sooner than we think if they keep doubling up weeks. Not that I'm complaining. I'd watch them try to get a beach ball off the roof every night if I could. The only thing I don't want to see is Ronnie and Sam lying in bed. I wish we could somehow penalize them for that but I digress.

That's how the situation is situated. See y'all on the twitter on Monday night.

New Note:

@ckalange and I have spent the last hour or so arguing about the point value for Vinnie's quadruple kiss. Here's my take:

While Charlie's math and logic makes perfect sense, I'm hung up on the idea of using a three time's multiplier for a triple kiss. It just makes sense in my head for the triple kiss to be worth three-times a normal kiss. For instance, if it were called a double kiss I would have no problem using a 2x multiplier. Triple Kiss= 3x multiplier. In the case of Vinnie's Quadruple kiss, my logic would follow that quadruple = 4x multiplier for a grand total of 20 points.

Here's what Charlie has to say:

My argument is as follows. The #JSFL Point-sheet Template awards 5pts for a cast member making out with another person. We saw handfuls of these instances over the course of Season 2, with DJ Pauly D, Sitch, and Vinnie all getting 5pts here and there for making out with one other person at a time. We also recall the early days of Jersey Shore Miami when Ron-Ron prioritized living in the moment over a long-term loving relationship with Sammi and infamously went in for the "triple kiss" at a club and was consequently awarded 15pts by the #JSFL for his feat.

This was a slight miscalculation in my mind, because the term "triple kiss" really refers to a makeout x2. Therefore, the act should be awarded 5pts (x2) for 10pts. However, when the term "triple kiss" is uttered, there is an unmistakable urge to pair it with the number three, or a 3x multiplier, as was the case with the Ron-Ron triple kiss, when in fact it should have only been awarded 10pts for making out with two people, not three (Ron didn't kiss himself, he kissed two other people).

This however set a precedent for awarding Vinnie 20pts for a "four-way kiss" (i.e. Vinnie kisses three other people) in Episode 2 of Season 3. While the sample size of multi-participant kisses is low (just the contended error with Ronnie from Season 2), I think the sample size for single makeout points is much larger, with each occurrence being awarded 5pts to the cast member participant. The question is two-fold: what is the correct score according to the point template, and what makeout precedent really holds more weight? I contend that making out with one person = 5pts, two people = 10pts (aka triple kiss), and three people = 15pts (aka four-way kiss).

Long-winded? Yes. But it's better than letting a breeze blow through my argument. What say the #JSFL?


I'd appreciate any input from the rest of the league. @NotPinnock has weighed in and sided with me. We have yet to hear from the rest of the league. We should try to resolve this issue before Monday just so we can set a precedent and move on to the rest of the season.

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