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Friday, February 25, 2011

Dr. Situation: Week 8 Points

Deena's Kooka gets the party started. Now Let's get some points up in this bitch.

Here's the Commissioners weekly accounting:

Subject: The Melo Shore

Other alternatives:
Melo Melo Juice Gets the Party Started
Melo and the STATuation
I'm in the Garden, Bitch!

So, moving away from Melo (who will put up a much higher scoring average for the rest of the year than DJ Pauly D), I just realized that I've had last week scored since Friday, but never sent it in. I'll get to points in a second, but first:

QUESTION FROM THE COMMISH: Is this the best quote in the history of the show?
"Some days, I'm Uncle Situation, Doctor Situation, Chef Situation, Bang-Your-Girl Situation. I'm a pretty deep dude."

I don't know about you, but if my uncle is also my doctor and my chef, that's OK. But I'd rather he not bang my girl. But I'm not as deep as Mike.

Moving to points:
Snooki ? (25): made out (5), brought home random (5), smush (15)
NG ? (4): cried (4)
Sam ? (4): cried (4)

Ron ? (12): cried three times (4x3)
Paul ? (1): said 'situation' (1)
Mike ? (7): said 'situation' seven times (1x7)
Vin ? (27): said 'situation' twice (1x2)(I'm including 'snitchuation' in this), brought home random (5), made out (5), smush (15)

Two points:
One, what does it say when Sammi (who we all thought was GONE for the week) outscored J-Woww (who was very much on the show?). Weak week.

Two, I am of the policy that smush points should be awarded liberally. I know we've fought over this, but that's clearly established policy. As such, I think there's sufficient evidence that two bonings were likely this week: Snooki and Vin. Vin is less clear, but when you're making out in your bed with the lights off and the shirt off, trying desperately to get Sitch to leave you the fuck alone, I think you probably got it in. Until MTV makes a premium version where you get to see the action for $9.95 per episode (interesting business venture?), its clues like these which will constitute my interpretation.

That's all from me this week. Remember...



I'm with The Commish on the liberal scoring. Like any other sport the JSFL is most fun when people are putting up big points. Now let's break it down.

Week 8 Line-ups and Points:

Andy: Snooki star (50), Vinny (27), Deena's Kooka (4)
Frog: Ron-Ron star (24), Vinny (27) Snooki (25)
@poloshot: Vinny star (54), Uncle Situation (7), Jwoww (0)
@ckalange: Snooki star (50), Dr. Situation (7), Deena's Kooka (4)
Owen: Ron-Ron star (24), Snooki (25), Deena's Kooka (4)
@mattsisto: Chef Situation star (14), Vinny (27), DJ Pauly D (1)
@mikedashin: Ron-Ron star (24), Deena's Kooka (4), DJ Pauly D (1)
@notpinnock: Jwoww star (0), Ron-Ron (12), DJ Pauly D (1)

Week 8 Team Scoring:

Andy: 81
Frog: 76
@poloshot: 61
@ckalange: 61
Owen: 53
@mattsisto: 42
@mikedashin: 29
@notpinnock: 13

Big Board after Week 8:

1) 658 points (Frog)
2) 622.5 points (@ckalange)
3) 500.5 points (Owen)
4) 476 points (@mattsisto)
5) 463.5 points (Andy)
6) 456.5 points (@mikedashin)
7) 395.5 points (@poloshot)
8) 362.5 points (@notpinnock)


So there we have it after 8 weeks of Jersey Shore Fantasy League action. The guys in the top spot are in a league of their own right now but an unexpected big week from DJ or Ron could change that in a one week swing. Meanwhile the chase for third place is a four man race right now. @NotPinnock is going to have to make some smart roster decisions to keep himself in it. It's always crunch time in the JSFL.

Sometime in the next week or so I'm going to break down bench/star stats for each team to try to see if any teams have an edge having to sit or start any star players. There are probably ten-12 episodes left.

Are teams with Ronnie screwed?

Is it just coincidence that teams that played Pauly D consistentely finish in the bottom of the leaderboard?

That last one was a rhetorical question. DJ Pauly D is more like DJ Disappointment

That's the situation, my Kookas. I'll see you soon with more dirty JSFL action.

Dr. Situation.

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