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Saturday, July 31, 2010

His name is Ronnie, but you can probably call him Sloppy Joe (Episode 1 Analysis)

Quick preface: I'm standing on the shoulders of giants here. Many points have already been touched upon by Bill Simmons (twitter: sportsguy33) in his epic trash tv podcast with the Czar of reality @jacoby_. However, while Simmons does a JS podcast maybe once a month I will be able to take the time to break-down every week. Here goes.

The biggest question this season (and every season hereafter) is how the cast responds to fame. This is no longer the rag-tag group of guidos we know and love. Snooki's bedazzled cowboy hat speaks volumes. I also think it's telling that the four people road-tripping to MIA, that's Miami, are the top-tiered in pay scale. I think when it comes to the girls especially we're going to see more reserved behavior. The traditional double standard of promiscuous men being "playboys" and promiscuous women being "sluts" will, in my opinion, play out here too. What we see in the preview of the girls fighting over Vinnie is going to become standard for this cast this season: the girls will keep it in the house, the boys will get creepy in Miami.

The one exception to this is Angelina who may end up being a rock-solid pick. We know next year Angelina is going to be replaced by this girl ( ) but what does that tell us about Angelina this year? She made it clear in this episode that she was willing to hook up (To Situation and Pauly D: "Who cares? I’m single now, if I hook up with one of youz one night, who gives a fuck?") so my guess is, having realized in just a few hours that she wasn't going to make friends with any of the girls, she throws herself at the male cast-members (we already know she's hooked up with Pauly and the Situation off camera) and then probably leaves after having been labeled "the slut no one likes." I for one will miss the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island. Those shorts she was wearing? The ones with the exposed red pockets? That was really something.

Getting back to the fame thing: I think we have a situation with The Situation. In the past few months he's become a legitimate star and accordingly has lost the desperation we saw in him season 1. That almost sycophantic desire to be liked and to show he was cool by sleeping with grenades is out the window. It's a sad day. But I suppose it was inevitable. You can't contain The Situation.

The last twenty-minutes are a microcosm for what we'll see this season: the girls are going to fight each other (verbally and otherwise), the guys are going to get annoyed and do their own thing (including clubbing and bringing home randoms), and eventually the girls will drag the guys into their drama.

Let's do a quote rundown because there were some classics:

DJ Pauly D: Can’t stand this weather, ya can’t get tanned in this weather, ya can’t creep in this weather, you can’t do anything… girls don’t come out in this weather, they stay in the house.

Snooki: I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.

Ronnie: I’m gonna have a good time and get creepy and get weird.

Jwoww (about Angelina): "I’m the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island”… with what ass? Pancake ass…

Angelina: Who cares? I’m single now, if I hook up with one of youz one night, who gives a fuck?

Snooki: I feel like a pilgrim from the friggin’ 20’s washing shit right now.

The Situation: Ronnie’s at the club, hooking up with Grenades… that is a bigger-ugly-chick and also Landmines.. which is a thin-ugly-chick .. and um, he's lovin’ life.

The Situation: His name is Ronnie, but you can probably call him Sloppy Joe

Jwoww: I’m putting Vaseline on my face, taking my earrings out, putting my hair up & I’m beating the crap out of her.

A note about that last line spoken by a true boxing fan:

You know who else puts Vaseline on their face? Boxers. So they don't get cut and the punches slide off. I'm so curious about Jwoww's background and whether she was around professional fighters. She's just a straight up brawler. Some people make a lot of noise but Jwoww actually wants to "take it outside" and I love that about her. One of my favorite moments in reality television history (that's hyperbole) is when she fought that girl last year for calling Snooki fat. She grabbed her by the hair and landed about five well placed uppercuts to the jaw. So...when Jwoww says she's putting Vaseline on her face, it's because she's planning on kicking some ass.

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