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Monday, March 28, 2011

Year of the Frog: Final Points

It is with both joy and sadness that I start our final Jersey Shore Fantasy League post. What a season it has been. Lots of lead changes, lots of disputes, but we all came out on the other side stronger for it. I'm proud of you guys. Let's hear what the commissioner has to say.


My dear fellow JSFLers,

Wow. Writing this summary, I feel like our beloved shore kids at the end of this episode: we've had our highs and lows, fights and laughs, and while we'll all (hopefully) be back next season, we're still going to miss our regular interaction. It's been a helluva year, though. Doesn't it seem so long ago that we were drafting over AIM? Or watching a wasted Snooki get arrested? These are the moments that stay with you for life.

Personally, I think this episode was the perfect way for our silly little game to come to an end: confusing, emotional, controversial (we'll get there), high-scoring (everybody put up points!), and most importantly, including Uncle Nino. Before I give you the breakdown, let me explain a few point decisions.

Snooki got make-out and hook-up points, but not points for bringing home a random, based on the ruling a few weeks ago regarding Roger, that said you're only a 'random' the first time you go home.

I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that J-Woww and Roger had sex that final night after becoming official. But, unfortunately, I cannot give her the points. There was no evidence in the episode, and my gut instinct is insufficient.

There were a few borderline cries, so I went with a standard of audible weeping or visible tears, not voice breaks. Still a fair bit of crying to be had.

Finally, I did not give break-up points again to Ron and Sam, as I don't think their recent relapse qualifies them as a reestablished couple.

That said, let's go to the scoreboard:

Sammi scored 4: cried once (4)
Snooki got 24: cried (4), made out (5) and got it in (15 - no bonus for whiskey dick)
Deena (on the finale, she's no longer New Girl) got one: she said 'situation'
J-Woww got 9: made out (5), and cried (4)

Ronnie got 7: Inappropriate work conduct (3), and cried (4)
Mike brought home 1: he said "situation"
Vinnie and Pauly each got 5 for the makeouts in Karma

That's how it breaks down. I'd like to congratulate my friend Chris 'Frog' Felicetta onWeek his strong rookie season. I think I can get a bunch of people in for next year. I still think that we should try a head-to-head format. Maybe try to get 16 - and go two divisions of 8 with a playoff situation (one point for me)? These are the things we need to think about.

Until then, my friends, I'll see you on the twitters and blogs, and wherever there is bad reality television merged with low-stakes gambling...

'I'm in Italy, bitch!'

Much love,
Commissioner Amsterdam


God it makes me sad that there are only so many times I'll read "makeout in Karma" in the next few months. Oh yeah, points are herreee yeeaaaahhh:

Week 13 Line-ups:

Owen: Snooki star (48), Deena (6), Jwoww (9)
Andy: Vinnie star (10), Snooki (24), Jwoww (9)
@ckalange: Deena star (12), Snooki (24), Sammi (4)
@poloshot: Jwoww star (18), DJ Pauly D (5)
Frog: Ronnie star (14), Sammi (4), Vinnie (5)
@NotPinnock: DJ Pauly D star (10), Jwoww (9)
@mikedashin: DJ Pauly D star (10, Sammi (4)
@mattsisto: Sammi star (8), DJ Pauly D (5)

Week 13 Team Scoring:

Owen: 63
Andy: 43
@ckalange: 40
@poloshot: 23
Frog: 23
@notpinnock: 19
@mikedashin: 14
@mattsisto: 13

The FInal Scores:

The Jersey Shore Fantasy League 2011 Season Champion is Frog with a #JSFL record 899 points. To further congratulate him I've put his picture at the top of the blog post. Congrats Frog! Great win.

2) @ckalange 839.5 points
3) @mattsisto 628 points
4) Owen 627.5 points
5) Andy 621.5 points
6) @poloshot 579.5 points
7) @mikedashin 531.5 points
8) @NotPinnock 497.5 points


Can you fucking believe how narrowly I edged out Owen for third place? Tough beat man.

I'd love to hear from anyone and everyone with some feedback on how to improve the league. I'm already planning a post in the post-season about ideas and things we can do diffrently next year. I'm also going to look into expanding so I'd love to hear what shows you'd all be interested in playing. As innaugural members I can promise that you'll play for free for ever even when I'm hustling people for money on the just announced All in due time of course.

Be well my friends, glad we situated this situation up in this situation.

Matt Sisto, #JSFL CEO

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Final Countdown: Week 12 Points

I put up a sluty picture of Jwoww because she's the only one who can change the leaderboard right now. More on that after the scores.

What's happening #jsfl kookas?

Tonight is the final episode and we're coming right down to the wire. For third place. The top two spots are pretty much sealed.

I don't remember what happened last week so we're going to have to go with the commissioners score to remind ourselves. Here it is:

Subject: One Week Left

Ok, I'm hungover, so let's do this quickly.

We have one episode left. Had to get points in ASAP. So here they are.

Sammi - 34: cried (4), made out with roommate (5x1.5=7.5) and smashed with roommate (15x1.5=22.5)
Ronnie - 30: made out with roommate (5x1.5=7.5) and smashed with roommate (15x1.5=22.5)
Vinnie - 15: Got a piercing (10) and brought home a random (5)
Pauly - 5: brought home a random
Mike - 28: inappropriate work conduct (3), got fired (25)

Nothing from Snooki, Jenni or the New Girl. Last episode to make a move. Good luck #JSFLers!

Commish Commish


I should note that not a single team played Situation this week. Too bad because he put up some points. Anyways...

Week 12 Line-Ups:

Frog: Ronnie star (60), Sammi (34), Snooki (0)
@ckalange: Sammi star (68), Snooki (0), Deena (0)
@mikedashin: DJ Pauly D star (10), Sammi (34)
@mattsisto: DJ Pauly D star (10), Sammi (34)
@poloshot: Vinnie star (30), Jwoww (0), DJ Pauly D (5)
Andy: Snooki star (0), Vinnie (15), Jwoww (0)
@NotPinnock: DJ Pauly D star (10), Jwoww (0)
Owen: Deena star (0), Jwoww (0)

Week 12 Team Scoring:

Frog: 94
@ckalange: 68
@mikedashin: 44
@mattsisto: 44
@poloshot: 35
Andy: 15
@NotPinnock: 10
Owen: 0

Big Board After Week 12:

1) 876 points Frog
2) 799.5 points @ckalange
3) 615 points @mattsisto
4) 578.5 points Andy
5) 564.5 points Owen
6) 556.5 points @poloshot
7) 517.5 points @mikedashin
8) 478.5 points @NotPinnock

And that's the leaderboard going into tonight's final episode. No surprises who is winning. I don't think anyone can stop Frog now. Best we can hope for is a competitive third place fight. That can happen if:

Deena and Jwoww have a big night for Owen and Andy. Vinny can also come up big for Andy's team to propel him over me.

@notpinnock can overtake @mikedashin for 2nd to last if Jwoww plays big for him too.

What's Jwoww going to do? Hopefully something spectacular. That's why I put her picture up.

See you all in the off-season situation.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Uncle Nino Makes Everything a-Nice: Week 11 Points

Two posts in one day? We've got a situation. Let's get to it. From the Commissioner:

Subject: Two Weeks Late is Better than Never

Hey JSFLers.

Happy March Madness, gentlemen. This would typically be my favorite time of year, but I got KILLED in my picks last week, so screw it. My favorite day of the year is 9 days away... MLB OPENING DAY!!!! Oh, the glory awaits.

A few points I want to make about this episode, before moving to scores.

First, UNCLE NINO! This show needs more of him. Or, he needs his own show. Can he please go to Italy with them next season?

Two, if you watch this episode again, watch carefully when they all leave Karma the first time. There's a TINY dude (talking like 5 foot nothing) walking next to J-Woww. He doesn't show up in the house, so no random points. But I would love to know more.

Finally, two related points, stemming from the dog release plot. One, Mike has officially crossed the line into one of the creepiest individuals on the planet. How is he a member of society? And two, this season has had far too much excrement-related subplots: public micturation/defecation, Snooki talking about her bowel movements far too much, the clogged toilet, now this? I'm not a fan.

That said, enough about piss and shit. On to points:

Sammy got 19: made out with Ronnie twice (10x1.5=15) and cried once (4)
Snooki took home 20: brought home a random (5) and got it in (15)
Ronnie got 15: made out with Sammy twice (10x1.5=15)
Mike got 1: Said his self-proclaimed nickname once.

That's it for points. Not as much scoring as we all would hope - not unlike my Knicks lately... god, I hate Mike D'Antoni.

On to the next episode!
Your commissioner (who makes even less than the $1 that Roger Goodell makes... and does a better job than he does)


Oh Yeah Week 11 Line-Ups Yeeaaahhhh:

Frog: Ronnie star (30), Sammi (19), Snooki (20)
@ckalange: Sammi star (38), Situation (1), Snooki (20)
Owen: Ronnie star (30), Jwoww (0), Snooki (20)
Andy: Snooki star (40), Vinny (0), Deena (0)
@NotPinnock: Ronnie star (30), Situation (1), DJ Pauly D (0)
@mattsisto: DJ Pauly D star (0), Situation (1), Sammi (19)
@mikedashin: DJ Pauly D star (0), Ronnie (15) Deena (0)
@poloshot: DJ Pauly D star (0), Situation (1), Vinny (0)

Week 11 Team Scoring Yeah:

Frog: 69
@ckalange: 59
Owen: 50
Andy: 40
@notpinnock: 31
@mattsisto: 20
@mikedashin: 15
@poloshot: 1

Big Board After Week 11:

1) 782 points Frog
2) 731.5 points @ckalange
3) 571 points @mattsisto yeaahhh
4) 564.5 points Owen
5) 563.5 points Andy
6) 521.5 points @poloshot
7) 473.5 points @mikedashin
8) 468.5 points @NotPinnock

So what have we situated here?

Frog and @ckalange have pulled away for the top ranking I think. Whether @ckalange can pull out a second league championship is anyone's guess but 50 points is not an impossible number if the Situation has a great outing.

It is literally neck in neck (neck to neck?) for third place. I have 6.5 point on Owen and 8 points on my brother. @poloshot could rally too with a great outing from Jwoww and if I don't get anything from Sammi.

The third place contestant, yours truly, is also in a tough spot having mismanaged his roster. He's stuck with DJ and Sammi going into the final stretch. Not a great line up to try to finish in the money.

Finally, the fight to not be the goose is down to @mikedashin and @NotPinnock. 5 point difference. Whose it going to be?

That's the situation. See you next week.

DJ PAULY DIZZLE: Week 10 Points

What's up #JSFL Kookas?

This happened so long ago I'll try to remember the events of the episode for you: Sam, Ron and Snook put cheese in the King of Comedy's bed; I think Jwoww micturated (pee-peed) on the street; DJ Pauly D came back swinging with 50 points. Here's the Commisioner's email:

Subject: Higher Scoring than Mike on an STD Test

Hey boys hey boys hey boys!

Sorry for the delay this week. I was calling doctors trying to find out if you can get an STD from head. I let a guy suck me off for some crack, and considering the looks of that bum, it may have been a bad idea.

But enough jokes about crippling drug addiction. Let's move to something far less healthy - The Shore House!

The only issue I need to discuss this week: Has that impostor known as 'Paul' finally been thrown over by DJ Pauly D?!? It's too early to tell after one episode, but the DJ threw up a YUGE WEEK, DOGGIE. YUUUUUUUGE WEEK. (That's a little Francesa humor for @NotPinnock). Fortune favors the bold - and I, for one, could not be happier that Your Commissioner started the DJ this week. On that note, on to scores:

I gave J-Woww 'public indecency' points for her street pee. Note to @mattsisto - can we add some sort of public urination/defecation points for next season? (speaking of excrement, I'm so glad the clogged toilet is gone from our lives. What a terrible addition to the show. Almost as bad as Angelina) As such:

Jenni - 5 points: (public indecency=5)
Snooki - 4 points: (cried=4)
Mike - 21 points: (said Situation=1)+(brought home a random=5)+(mouth-smushed=15) [commish note - in the interest of equality, Mike got smush points for the BJ, just like Deena did for the cunning linguist]
Vinny - 25 points: (brought home a random=5)+(made out=5)+(smashed=15)
DJ PAULY D!!!! -50 points: (brought home two random=5x2)+(made out twice=5x2)+(banged twice=15x2)

No points this week for Ron, Sam or NG.

I'm sure someone will complain about the scoring, but I'm satisfied. And all-powerful. So, yeah.

Sorry about the very long - and very dirty - post this week. I'm bored as hell in morning class.

Benediction, no affliction
The One and Only Commish


Week 10 Line-Ups Yeeaaahhhhh

@poloshot: Vinnie star (50), Situation (21), DJ Pauly D (50)
@notpinnock: Ron star (0), Situation (21), DJ Pauly D (50)
@mattsisto: Vinnie star (50), Situation (21), Sammi (0)
Andy: Vinnie star (50), Snooki (4), Jwoww (5)
Frog: Vinnie star (50), Snooki (4), Ronnie (0)
@ckalange: Situation star (42), Snooki (4), Sammi (0)
Owen: Snooki star (8), Ronnie (0), Jwoww (5)
@mikedashin: Deena star (0), Ronnie (0), Sammi (0)

Oh Yeah Week 10 Team Scoring Yeeeeeaahhhhh

@poloshot: 121
@notpinnock: 71
@mattsisto: 71
Andy: 59
Frog: 54
@ckalange: 46
Owen: 13
@mikedashin: 0

Big Board After Week 10:

1) 713 points (Frog)
2) 672.5 points (@ckalange)
3) 551 points (@mattsisto
4) 523.5 points (Andy)
5) 520.5 points (@poloshot)
6) 514.5 points (Owen)
7) 458.5 points (@mikedashin)
8) 437.5 points (@NotPinnock)

I will try to blog points as I get them. Hopefully we can catch up for the finale in two weeks so we know who to root for/against. Still pretty stagnant in the top two positions but third place is very much up for grabs.

That's how the situation is situated.